Swift Justice

I think it was the late, great Jim Croce who wrote this tune:

You don’t tug on Superman’s cape,

You don’t spit into the wind,

You don’t pull the mask of that ol’ Lone Ranger,

And you don’t fuck with Taylor Swift

Doo doo deeya dee dee deedeedee…

Floriduh college student Jack Sweeney has become famous for posting live tracking of billionaire jets, including Mark Zuckerberg, Bill Gates, and even Our Lord Elon Musk. This has created a lot of anger among the elite, but little action.

But things are different when you go after America’s billionaire sweetheart and Kansas City Chiefs fan, Taylor Swift. Swift, constantly under duress by weirdo stalkers, is threatening to drop the hammer on Sweeney if he doesn’t stop the practice. Swift’s attorneys are framing Sweeney’s activity as itself a form of “stalking and harassing behavior, including consistently publishing real-time and precise information about our client’s location and future whereabouts to the public on social media”, and claiming that this behavior poses an “imminent threat to the safety and wellbeing” of Swift. It also accuses Sweeney of disregarding the public safety of others “in exchange for public attention and/or requests for financial gain.”

Swift may be on shaky legal ground here since the information posted by Sweeney is publicly available, but she has gotten his attention in a way that slimy tech bros have failed to do. He is claiming that he meant her no harm and likes her music.

What he may not realize is that he is about to have his life ruined when Taylor launches the inevitable revenge tune that winds up at the top of the charts. There may be an army of Swifties showing up at his dorm, and Sweeney will be faced with his existential FAFO moment.

Doo doo deeya dee dee deedeedee…

p.s. Is that a diamond-studded watch embedded in Taylor’s choker?

Question: Why would you put a diamond-studded watch in a place where you can’t see the time?

Answer: Because you can.


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