The Bright Idea Series

In this series, we look at the occasional brilliant idea to drive bulky, unsanitary, or downright dangerous things up the Hershey Highway. These reports generally come from exasperated doctors, nurses, and paramedics. Here are a few morsels to get started.

“When I was first interning at a trauma center, a dude said he went to his daughter’s bathroom since his wife was taking a while in the shower, says he slipped and up goes his daughter’s whole Barbie doll up his ass.

When we did the X-ray, we saw Barbie. Not only was she way up in there, but her arms were straight up and hair was everywhere, it really looked like she was having a grand time!”

—steedlemeister

Dude was found lying face down on his couch, completely naked, with a fish tail sticking out from between his cheeks. Firefighters and Paramedics were trying their best to not laugh. He never gave an excuse. All he said was… ‘it was frozen when it went in.’ LOL the fish thawed up his ass and the scales made it so he couldn’t pull it back out.

He ended up needing ass surgery to remove the fish.

Also to top it off like I said everyone was trying to be professional, but just before the ambulance doors closed to take him to the hospital one of the firefighters pokes his head in and said ‘next time don’t play with your food buddy.’ At this point no one can keep from laughing and everyone except the patient loses their composure. The patient tried to sue the ambulance company for not being professional but soon realized it would mean this entire incident would go public and changed his mind.”

—PMme__YOURthoughts

“He said that he’d heard that mangos are good for hemorrhoids.

He did the only logical thing when armed with this information—mango up the butt.

It required Wrigley forceps to get it out. Good times.”

—esoteric_tomorrow

“My ex-girlfriend is a nurse in A+E (the British version of the ER) and she came home with all sorts of weird and wonderful stories. One that stands out is of a guy that came in with a rubber snake firmly lodged in his beige daisy. Like whole way up there, nothing dangling.

He apparently had some pretty weird friends who made him shove it up there as a forfeit during a drinking game. Okay, alcohol makes you do some weird shit…but this guy (and his brother’s rubber snake) survived the incident. Another nurse eventually got it out of him that he had tried again at a later date (I guess it awakened something in him) and liked the feeling, so kept slithering it up there with the intention to pull it out (I guess like some anal bead type thing) but he got it almost the whole way, and his arse did that weird winking thing, and it all went inside, almost never to return.

This all happened in Scotland – strange people, and I guess very open to sharing. That’s not the weirdest one though – she told me a story about some guy with a necrotic penis that had to be removed. More info on that if you fancy?

Tl:dr – don’t drink with Scots, and careful of that weird butthole wink.”

—cartmans_balls

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