Pastor Shawn Meets His Maker

(18 March 2022, Florida) Boating on Lake Seminole was a delight to Shawn and his friend, up until his boat began to founder. And he had no life vest! But no worry. Other boaters on the lake called the Pinellas County Sheriff Rescue team, and on Friday afternoon shortly after 2pm they were safe on land again. Catastrophe averted. Kiss the earth.

But Pastor Shawnm, 39, evidently wanted more of the same. He called a friend to ferry him back out on the lake, so he could rescue the ship-in-distress. OK well that’s understandable. But, again without a life jacket? Hm.

Around 5:30pm Poor Pastor Shawn tried to transfer to the little boat, and actually capsized it! Not so easy to jump from one boat to another, right? Especially when it is already foundering. Now Poor Pastor Shawn was definitely in the drink. No life vest and unable to swim. Hm.

For sure, his buddy tried to save him, but was unable to pull the pastor out. And why was he unable to get the pastor out of the water? Because it is super tricky to heave a body into a boat. It requires strength and practice, and sailors learn to grab ahold of the life vest and forcefully hoist the person in.

People don’t have handles.

So many choice points what? Can’t swim. The boat is sinking. You try to rescue it without a life vest. And you incautiously plunge into the water, to boot. Are you thinking God helps those who hobble themselves?

The pastor could not walk on water, he could not swim in water, he could not leave the water, the only remaining option was to sink. Reluctant to stereotype, yet he was indeed a Florida man.

Pinellas County Sheriff arrived at 5:42pm and rescue divers searched for four hours and finally located the body. Poor choices, poor Pastor Shawn, where did you go wrong?


Story courtesy of The Darwin Awards. Since the purpose of the Darwin Awards is to skewer FAFO behavior, we thought it would be fun to share an occasional entry from them. All content is © The Darwin Awards.

 

 

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StopTheMadness
Editor
Noble Member
StopTheMadness(@stopthemadness)
8 months ago

Florida Man, to the rescue!

We need to start giving out FAFO awards. This guy would be a clear winner.

Perlinator
Famed Member
Perlinator(@perlinator)
8 months ago

Life vests are too expensive. Think of all the money the pastor must have saved by not buying one!

Avery Voyeur
Noble Member
Avery Voyeur(@avery-voyeur)
8 months ago

To the tune of “Delta Dawn”

Pastor Shawn, boating without  a life vest on
Could it be you thought your god wouldn’t let you die
And did I hear them say, they would have buried you today
But they’re waiting ‘til your clothes are fully dry

HOS
Noble Member
HOS(@hos)
8 months ago

Drugs or alcohol aren’t necessary when dumbassery is in gear, fully on display here!

Fun smdh read, JG!

Frosty from Bavaria
Trusted Member
Frosty from Bavaria(@frosty-from-bavaria)
8 months ago

Thank you, JGorn, great writing! 😆

flimflaminc
Noble Member
flimflaminc(@flimflaminc)
8 months ago

Swam like a boulder.

Dark Angel
Famed Member
Dark Angel(@dark-angel)
8 months ago

Evangelicals + Floriduh = Darwin Awards BINGO!!!

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