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BarnacleBreath
Member
BarnacleBreath(@barnaclebreath)
4 months ago

When one of my uncles was a little boy, shortly after WWII, he often heard about the “all the poor starving children in Greece,” and there were a lot appeals going around to pray for them. So one day, when it came his turn to lead prayer at Sunday School, he prayed for “all the starving children covered in oil.”

Not many kids fit that category, so I guess God had to let the rest of ’em starve.

Avery Voyeur
Noble Member
Avery Voyeur(@avery-voyeur)
4 months ago

So the ISTJ atheist in me has a few questions.

Why did he have a group of liberal atheists in what is clearly his dining room?

Why does he have satanic tattoos on his arms?

Why is there more salt on the table than can fit in the shaker (which is still half full)?

Where did his meal and the utensils go?

Why didn’t he see the liberal atheists fell to the floor laughing their asses off, not praying?

Lee Lang
Noble Member
Lee Lang(@lee-lang)
4 months ago

I post a bit on Quora as part of an atheist forum and we field ‘questions’ from theists. One of these recently was:

‘If a unicorn appeared before you and told you that God existed would you repent and believe?’

Why a unicorn FFS? How do you deal with a mindset thats that far off-kilter?

historydoctor
Noble Member
historydoctor(@historydoctor)
4 months ago

That face looks suspiciously like Robert Powell in “Jesus of Nazareth.”

x-ray Mike
Noble Member
x-ray Mike(@x-ray-mike)
4 months ago

Some years ago there was a front page article in the Edmonton Journal (that’s Edmonton Alberta) about a pastor near Hamilton Ontario who claimed that many of his parishioners had benefited from miracles in which their almagam fillings had been turned to gold. Picture of the pastor shining a flashlight into someone’s mouth. I wrote a derogatory letter to the editor including a paraphrase of Einstein: “God does not play dentist”. Somebody wrote a rebuttal calling me a peanut brain. This I found ironic because I have always been deathly allergic to peanuts.

I guess maybe God does play dentist but not dice? Or not.

Perlinator
Famed Member
Perlinator(@perlinator)
4 months ago

Did the author of that bullshit story actually expect people to believe it???

Doesn’t God have more important things to do than draw pictures in salt?

flimflaminc
Noble Member
flimflaminc(@flimflaminc)
4 months ago

I was raised not to waste salt or any food related items as there were at least a million starving children that that salt just might have saved. According to my mom anyway. I never thought about it until I was older how many starving children can be saved by a portion of wasted food. Now I find myself looking under every spill and on every slice of toast etc. for a sign of anything so I will not feel so bad about these starving children I could have saved from my small seat at the table in a small kitchen in a small house in a small rural area in the south. Boy the things we do not realize when we are just little kids.

Chaos
Noble Member
Chaos(@chaos)
4 months ago

Sorry Middle East, God has football games to fix.

JGorn
Admin
Famed Member
JGorn(@admin)
4 months ago

A week later, the young man died in a traffic accident. After his soul traveled through a tunnel toward reddish light, he emerged and found himself facing Lucifer at the gates leading to the Lake of Fire.

“But Lucifer, I was a good, believing Christian and put all my faith in Christ the Savior, who rewarded me by appearing to me when salt was spread on my table! How could I be here?”

Lucifer replied, “Sorry, kid, that wasn’t Jesus. That was Russell Brand. And it wasn’t salt on the table. It was Russell’s spilled cocaine.”

“Shit!”, the young man mumbled listlessly. “But, still, why am I here?”

“Funny thing, I asked Yahweh about that myself,” Lucifer said. “He told me he was pissed that you’re so damned stupid to believe he would go to the bother to travel to Earth to enlighten humans, and to think that the best way for him to accomplish it would be to appear as an Iron Age illiterate, and then have himself captured, tortured, and executed by other Iron Age brutes, for absolutely no reason.”

And now you know… The Rest of the Story.

Last edited 4 months ago by JGorn
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