A Taste of FAFO for Mike Johnson

A couple of weeks ago, basically nobody had ever heard of Mike Johnson. With a generic name, a generic face, and a milquetoast persona, it should come as no surprise that he was just another GOP nothingburger. Indeed, it would be effortless to confuse Mr. Johnson with that other plasticine Mike, Mr. Pence. The two easily could be mistaken for each other – one would only need to add eyeglasses and remove the white hair and flies to turn one Mike into the other.

Back in those halcyon days before the speakership, Mike and Mrs. Mike could say anything and, almost literally, nobody would know or care. Now, Mike has vaulted to the top post in the House, making him second in the line of presidential succession. Now, people care. It’s FAFO time.

About the only thing known about Mike is that he is a hard core, Bible-thumping, Trump-humping Evangelical. The one thing we all know about such people is that, like so many denizens of the Deep South, they are “all hat and no cattle” – they talk big but can’t back it up.

Have you ever tried to debate with a hardcore Evangelical? They have spent their lives in a fantasyland echo chamber, hearing what they want to hear and parroting utter bullshit as if it is factual. That always works great within the friendly confines of the echo chamber, or when pushing bullshit onto the uninitiated, but if they go up against qualified opponents who have heard all of their bullshit before, they collapse like jelly. They can’t answer questions with facts – they can only deflect, deny, move the goalposts, equivocate, change the subject, or in final desperation, lie their asses off. Yes, “bearing false witness” is what they do best.

So it should come as no surprise that Mike and Mrs. Mike don’t have the courage of their convictions. Mrs. Mike (Kelly Johnson) is owner and CEO of a company called Onward Christian Counceling Services, LLC. This company, which undoubtedly consists of Kelly and only Kelly, plus a legal assist from her lawyer husband Mike, has (or rather had) a web site.  On this web site, the company posted its bylaws, which state that their core foundation is that “sex is offensive to God if it is not between a man and a woman married to each other”, as summarized by Huffington Post. Further, it identifies gay, transgender, bisexual, unmarried people, and even those who view any form of pornography, in the same category as those who have sex with animals or engage in incest. Bear in mind that this is Kelly’s company, but evidently Mike is heavily involved behind the scenes – he notarized* the bylaws, which appear to have been drawn up directly from the “model bylaws for churches” published by Freedom Guard, a nonprofit organization founded by Mike for the purpose of “contending for the Christian faith through strategic litigation”.

Aside from the sexual obsessions, I can’t help but wonder how supportive Mike is of the foundational principle defined in this document, in section 13, “Statement of Faith”:

“Any conflicts between the Bible and any governing document shall be resolved in favor of the Bible.” 

Is that really the attitude we want associated with someone responsible for the laws of the land, who swears to uphold the Constitution, including that pesky First Amendment?

The document continues:

The Bible is the inerrant and inspired word of God, written through men inspired by the Holy Spirit, and contains God’s plan and will for Creation. The Bible is the ultimate authority concerning truth, morality, and the proper conduct of man.

So, Yahweh’s explicit sanctioning of practices such as systematic rape and slavery should hold sway over conflicting secular laws? Interesting.

Now, everyone is entitled to their own opinion, no matter how absurd, juvenile, or retrograde it might be, but at least they should have the courage of their convictions.

But as we know, the most blowhard of Bible thumpers typically do not have the courage of their convictions. Oh, they might be good at bullying, but only up until they get punched in the proverbial nose. They are paper tigers who roar while in the friendly confines of other paper tigers, but not so much when exposed to the flames of public attention, when they need to appeal to everyone, not just to their self-selected “base”.

Huffington Post exposed the website on Friday. Guess what happened a day later? Did Kelly have the courage of her convictions to defend it? Did Mike have the courage of his convictions to double down with supporting evidence (which is admittedly impossible since it is all based on fiction without factual foundation)? Hell, no. They didn’t say anything. They just took down the web site.

Why explain your hate and your obsessions when it’s so much easier to deflect, deny, or if necessary, lie?

Alas, the internet doesn’t forget, and the now deleted site was captured by the Wayback Machine.

Mike is finding out that it’s not so easy to fuck around with hate when you’re exposed on the national stage rather than hunkered in your echo bunker.

Here is the before-and-after screenshot of the web site:

* Depending on the state, it’s either illegal, or a highly discouraged practice for a notary to notarize a document for a spouse. The potential conflict of interest is significant, and in this particular case there would be a spousal interest in the success and profitability of the company, so this is, at best, a really bad idea. And now Mike can’t claim ignorance. But, hey, at least they saved $10 by not paying an independent notary. FAFO.

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